Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
