i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
