I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
