Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
