They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
