is your mom at the bar?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My pussy is not your playground.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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