You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
