rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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