Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
