Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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