I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
