What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
