i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
