Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
