I'm so fucking centered right now
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
