hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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