with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
