I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
