That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
