So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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