I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
