I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she peed on how many people?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
