Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize