got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
