Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
tell me about the fingering
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
