yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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