Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
