I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
