If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
