His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
