Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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