I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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