remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
