from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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