i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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