I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
