physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
