girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
