In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
being pregnant is like rehab
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
