i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
