I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
