I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
