She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
