two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're like the curious george of whores
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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