Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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