I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
