my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
