good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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