I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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