I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
